Katz's Journal

... I guess I haven't updated in a while

2007-08-07T00:27:32Z

So I haven't updated in a couple months.

I just came back after a week with Terasa in Ohio. I really like going there, but I end up kind of forgetting the rest of the world. Just now, I signed onto AIM for the first time in like 2 weeks.

However, things with her are great, except whenever I have to leave ... the distance isn't so bad ... but leaving after spending a lot of time and then leaving is the pits.

Also, while I was there, my friend Heather called ... it's not that I don't think she is a bad person but we have drifted so far apart since high school. I mean, that was 3 years ago ... and she doesn't realize that, to put it frankly, I don't want to speak to her anymore. So ... any ideas?

Now for better news!

My cousin is having a baby! YAY! I'm gonna be a first cousin once removed!

... I dunno, I probably miss stuff but I can't think of anything else to say ... I'll post when I do.

Lesson of the Day

2007-05-26T21:52:08Z

So I went to Circuit City today to get a new DVD play because my old one broke at school and I get to the check out line and the checkout guy had some Japanese characters tattooed on his arm.

So to be nice, I pointed to the tattoo and asked him, "So, do you speak Japanese?" and he doesn't
So I asked him why he chose that tattoo and he said because he wanted something different. (Even though Japanese Characters are pretty common as tattoo choices nowadays)
Then I asked him if he knew what it meant ... and he said it was his name, which was Dan.

I just didn't have the heart to tell him that what was tattooed on his arm was not "Dan". Not at all. (For those of you who know Japanese, he had omoi on his arm.)

So what is the lesson of the day? Don't get a tattoo in a language you don't know.

I am SOOOO lazy

2007-05-23T20:37:37Z

So ... remember that list of stuff I wanted to get done ... well a week later, and I haven't done any of it.

I mean, i know it's just a week, but I'm just worried that a week will become a month and a month will become the entire summer and I will hate myself again for not getting ANYTHING done.

So what have I done this week? I wrote an unfinished outline to Yiddish Yojimbo. I've played a LOT of Wii and gotten to Pro status for 3 of the 5 games on Wii Sports. I almost beat Trauma Ceter: Second Opinion. I beat the forest Temple on Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I also cleaned my room (i.e. the family room, I sleep on the couch) a bit.

Yeah, it sounds like a lot ... but where is the math, where is the drawing? Too little time!

For anyone who is interested ...

2007-05-19T23:57:51Z

I went to my cousins' Wedding today, Scott Gonzalez and Kristin Glatfelter, who were both Juniata Grads ... so lets see if I can name some familiar names:

It was a fun time, both Scott and Kristin started crying during the vows ... awwwww

Himmy was there, who I got to meet, which was pretty cool ... it was like meeting a legend, hehe ... anyways, he caught the girdle and wore it as a hat the rest of the party. He also tried to get a can-can started for Frank Sinatra ... but kinda failed

Nina was also there, halfway through the reception she got out of her formal wear and put on a t-shirt and some jeans ... however, she danced and mingled with the best of them.

There were some other people from Juniata there ... like me ... but those were two that I think people who read my lj would know.

Fun times had by all, now it's time to go to the after wedding party to get wasted :)

... and 3/4ths of a undergraduate degree later ...

2007-05-14T21:21:42Z

I can't believe that my junior year is over. I look back at freshmen year and I think of so many wasted days not doing anything and so many times when I could be more active. Even this summer, I should hav probably lined up some sort of math research or something ...

Then I look back to last year and I realized how much I have seriously changed in 2 years ... and I think of my friends and I think of good times and bad times ... and the stupid education program. (I am so glad I am out of it)

Then even this past year. Japan was awesome and definitely one of the best experiences of my entire life. Heck, my inner voice has even started talking Japanese to me! And this semester ... which, at least in the realm of academia, seemed somewhat blurry. Like, I did the best I could with everything ... but I don't think I really learned a lot, which is wierd because I was expecting Junior year to be hell. But this last semester was one of the best I had ever had.

Now comes the summer ... again ...
Lots of stuff that I want to get accomplished ... again ...
Lost of stuff that I honestly will probably not get done ... again ...

but lets make a list of all the things I want to get done:
- Try out for (and get cast for) a play at the local playhouse
- Get some tutees so that I can have money
- Start working on my comic idea: Yiddish Yojimbo
- Read a crap-ton of math books and get started on some independent research again
- Look up information about Grad school

there is probably more ... I just can't think of it right now

anyways ... well, lets get this summer started head first

(p.s. I am turning 21 on June 8th ... if you are in the philly reigon and over 21, I want to see you then!)

25 page paper

2007-05-08T15:26:16Z

Ugh ... stress ...
Just let it be over already

... well, onto the 20th page

Comics

2007-04-30T16:12:05Z

So I went to a comic convention on friday:

I was able to double my number of Turok: Dinosaur Hunter comics for less than 5$.
I bought 3 of the sets of Marvel's Civil War (if you are at all interested in Marvel Comics, I recommend that you pick up this mini-story, it's pretty freakin awesome)
I sat around and talked with other nerds
I bought Dr. Hosler's Clan Apis and read it in one day.
I thought of the idea for my next comic ...

two words ...

Yiddish Yojimbo

(I'm excited)

What's the bother?

2007-03-28T05:09:02Z

So ... what is the point of all these FISHN credits? Is it really worth it?

For example: why did I go to Japan, or take these unneccesary courses of Japanese Culture, or this Comics & Culture course? I could just be taking math courses. In reality, I was done FISHN first semester sophmore year, I could have taken CA and IC courses earlier and then just done math. I could have had classes at Penn State this year and graduated and go to Grad School next year.

But no, I decided to take all this unneccesary stuff. So now I have 45 pages of essays due by the end of the semester, not to mention other homework and a comic. And apparently, according to my peers and other things i've seen, im not even really learning anything in these classes. So why do I take them?

I'm going to be a math professor. I am not going to write comics and I am not going to research Japanese culture. So why do I waste my time?

Why cant I just tell me teachers ... "hey, sorry, It's interesting, but I dont have time to write that paper" ... I just care about math.

So, I think I just want to do math tommorow. That's it.

It is too cold

2007-03-18T06:12:27Z

I am really not a fan of the cold. My fingers hurt and I get depressed easier. Where is spring?

Sometimes

2007-03-16T08:23:22Z

Sometimes, when I am about to leave a room or a building and I put up my hoodie, I feel like I have left the room before I go out the door. Like, the hood becomes a type of barrier that seperates me from everything else in the room. Other times, I feel like a superhero of sorts, and the hood is like my mask; I put it on before I can go adventuring in the outside world, otherwise people will know my identity. When I put it on, I feel like I am going to do something important.

Also, the Watchmen is awesome. I wholy suggest that you read it. Also Maus. Graphic novels are great.

People change. Some for better and some for worse. Somethings about that I like ... somethings I don't. Change is great because you learn who you are as a person and can refine that into the quintessential "you". However, people who are close to you can drift away. I wish in some way, the world could be in a temporal stasis, where you could remember people how you want to and have them be that person. Maybe if I see you in 15 years, we will be closer because of who we have become, but maybe we will not like each other as much. Why can't we just get along as we do now?

But there are good things in life too. Like now. Now is good, I have a lot of things to be happy for. I might not be getting as much work done as I would like, but its all relative. In my math class, I am still understanding things better than anyone else, but I could be understanding them even better still. At least I get to learn it at all, that is something that makes me happy.

Anime makes me happy. Juice also makes me happy. And so does being a hooded superhero who goes around living, sometimes.

Two Movies

2007-03-11T05:36:01Z

Fantasic Four: well, The Thing was great. Human Torch was ok, and so was Mr. Fantasic, however the love plot was too much and deviated from his true character flaw of being sorry to Ben for what happened, and one last thing

JESSICA ALBA IS NOT THE INVISIBLE WOMAN!

As for Dr. Doom ... they could not have changed his character more or made him into more of a pansy. I just hope he gets some mysitcal balls when he is done taking over Latveria.

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Bridge to Terabithia: GREAT! GO SEE IT!

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Also, I love Wikipedia

Fantastic Four - Dr. Doom - Fictional German Characters - Nightcrawler - Fictional Characters who can Teleport - Davy Jones (Pirates of the Carrabian) - Kraken (PotC) - Kraken (mythology) - Leviathan - Bahamut - Behemoth - Terrasque - Dungeons and Dragons.

And that was all in 30 minutes.

Spring?

2007-03-07T17:16:51Z

I see Damien's post about the robin of spring and then I look out the window and think:

"WHY THE HELL IS IT SNOWING?!"

My thoughts

2007-03-04T22:45:28Z

So I just finished watching Breakfast Club for the first time.

I have to say ... I wish I could see what happens on monday.

Does Allison, the basketcase, go to school on monday wearing all black? or does she conform to wearing the pink blouse with the hair that shows her face just because the jock likes it? Does the brain feel ok about getting the F or is the problem just going to continue? Are they friends the next day or do they just fall back into the stereotypes they have been breaking the last two hours?

I feel unfulfilled.

Breakfast Club

2007-03-04T21:10:51Z

So I'm watching the Breakfast Club for the first time.

I like it.

Spring Break

2007-03-04T04:19:09Z

So, I'm home for spring break.

My best friend is of to Florida with his girlfriend. Two of my other good friends left for Marine boot camp last month and wont be back until May. The rest of my friends are either still at school or very busy. This is tax season, which will continue until the dreaded April 15, so my parents are too busy to do anything fun and they have use of the car. ... oh it gets better.

So every year during Tax season, money gets really tight ... I don't try to spend a lot of money but even I enjoy the luxuries of life ... like having food in the refigerator. However, I wanted to do one thing this break, only one thing that has been hounding me since the beginning of the year:

I wanted to get a Wii.

I mean, my parents owe me one for channukah, they gave me one of those "hey, we are going to get you one when we can find one" IOU things, but heck, I'm willing to throw in the money in my account. But even so, even I were to find one right now, I don't I'd be able to get it. I'm not one to complain about money ... this might be the first time I ever did it ... and in the long run I shouldnt and I kinda feel bad about doing it, but my parents' lack of saving methods is really buggin me right now.

So ... I guess my week is shot.

Katz's Sanity R.I.P.

2007-02-27T22:59:24Z

Ok, so I havent posted for a while, but I assure you I am still alive. However, at this rate, I don't know how much longer that will be true.

Following a week of illness, I have a lot of work to catch up on. I realize that the work isnt too difficult and that I am fully capable of getting it done, but there is something about this week that is so stressful. I find myself getting annoyed by such little things. I'm annoyed when people argue with me, I'm annoyed when people agree with me, I'm annoyed when people are just being human, I'm annoyed when people are trying to hide their humanity. I don't know why, the average person just bugs me this week, and I don't want to deal with it and I kind of just want to stay in my room. Also, I'm sorry to people who I have been complaining to; I don't mean to bitch all the time and often I can't word how I feel about something so I just say the first thing I think of ... so I'll try to not be so annoying. But I'm kind of afraid that if I keep everything bottled in, its going to find a way out ... and it isnt going to be pretty.

I'm thinking I'm going to have to drop out of my first class ever: computer art. I enjoy playing with photoshop and making oringial peices of art and having fun. I don't enjoy the class. I don't enjoy what we are doing and how subjective it is and I REALLY don't enjoy that just because I don't make wierd abstract designs or patterns or figures, then I basically am made to feel that my art is inferior and I can't get as good grades as someone who has studied the type of art that Dr. McBride likes. WELL DUH! I'm not as good an artist as someone who has done it their entire life. I'm not trying to be. And heck! I wouldn't complain if we were taught how to make the art that he appreciates, but no. nothing. no feedback, no reponses, nothing. I was going to talk to him about this, but I feel like it will just be a waste of time due to conflicting views. I'm not happy with this ... and I'm not happy with myself ... but I am not about to sit around and scribble on a page and call it art when I don't feel any emotional attachment to the work I do.

And I think I am loosing my grip on life or sanity or something. Besides this stress and anger and annoyances, I have fear. It's almost my senior year of college and I havent really done anything of importance in the mathematical community. Everything I have done has been done before, its not great and new, I just have been repeating old ideas without thinking of anything new. I'm really really afraid that I will end up having done nothing with my life, and so far its looking to end up that way.

I think right now, I have about a handful of things keeping me grounded with reality. I don't want to lose them too.

illness update

2007-02-15T16:50:22Z

Feeling a little worse than yesterday, but not too much ... right now its just chills, a bad cough, and a lot of phlegm

I might try to get out of the rest of my classes today ... just so I dont have to walk outside until I am 100% sure that I can. However, I have a quiz in one class and a movie in another (which I dont actually have to see ... but I like the movie)

Lets see ...

2007-02-14T01:19:03Z

First, I woke up after m y first class ... but luckily, it was cancelled due to the snow.

Then, James and I had an argument, but we finally saw eye to eye, I think.

Then the fun began. I went to Comics and Culture Class and I started to feel sick. Really Really sick. After that, I went to Samurai ... and Stiffler shoved a snowball down my back. Then I hung out in the physics lounge for 4 hours trying to get better.

I hate snow and cold and weather and sickness. Especially on the day I was supposed to watch a movie.

In the words of Boris from Goldeneye, "I AM INVINCIBLE!"

2007-02-13T17:30:46Z

So I woke up this morning groggy and thinkin that I didnt want to go to class at 9. So I didnt, I slept in against my good judgement.

I woke up after the class was over ... and checked my email ... and class was cancelled due to the snow.

Sleep wins once again!

Sometimes, I just cant deal with this

2007-02-12T20:34:44Z

I wonder if I could just put myself in a room ... with books, hundreds of books ... and an even greater number of note books ... forever
I could just do math and learn forever
Would I be unhappy? Would I know what else is beyond the walls to be happier about? That would just be it for me ... my walls and my books and my thoughts.

Why is that form of happiness so looked down upon?
Why do people say that I need interaction, which can cause so much hardship?
If my universe is just me, then I know what everyone in it is thinking. I would know what is right in my universe ... what is wrong.

I just remember that the King of Pointland was the happiest one alive.

R.I.P.

2007-02-11T22:24:20Z

About a month ago, I posted a video called "Adventure Time"

Now, due to copyrights, it has been taken off of Google Video and Youtube.

My life has lost so much meaning.

p.s. paleontology kicks ass and if you are ever in CT, go to the Dinosaur State Park

Surgeons of the future!

2007-02-04T00:20:41Z

so now that I have stated what I think about the world ... I would like to add that there is hope and that it is getting better ... this hope has one word: NINTENDO

See ... kids have gone from this to this. Now ... at least kids will know SOMEWHAT of what to do.

Maths

2007-02-03T06:59:39Z

first of all ... and I know that this may anger some of the viewers of this post ... but I would like to curse the following gods:
- Yahweh: oh, come on, you know what you did ... and you have no good way to explain yourself ... much more than Dick Chaney, I hate you
- L. Ron Hubbard: in a world of idiots where the only chance of survival is to become more intelligent, you decided to make our people stupider ... I hope you get a thetin meter shoved up your ass
- Haphestus: come on ... ur a god ... with a limp ... and your wife cheated on you repeatedly. You are a horrible role-model
- and finally, Buddha: because I have yet to gain enlightenment, you selfish bastard

I try and try to fill the void in my life with work. I am now a week ahead of my math class by doing every homework problem in the book and still staying ahead of the class. While "Shaun of the Dead" was on, I wrote out a Cayley table for the Heisenberg Group in Z_2 space. I talked with my professor for 30 minutes trying to understand the third proof to how the lower pascal matrix, when postmultiplied by the upper pascal matrix equals the regular pascal matrix. Whenever I start to think about my lonliness, I pull out a pad of paper and start to do math ...

But its not working ... the stress is just building.

It is the stereotype that mathematicians go crazy ... yes, I am already so ... but I fear this may be making it worse. I just need to get through another 2.8 semesters of college ... then I can go to grad school ... and after that, I can get a job ... maybe then ... maybe after the prime of my life has passed by ... maybe then I can get a girlfriend.

... I dont want to end up lonely ... but at this rate, life is depressing.

Ellie's Randomness is Contagous

2007-01-28T19:44:56Z

Here are the first 20 songs + in my pants (Thank you Pandora, and your randomness of Songs)

1) Sad Statue in my Pants
2) Time Served in my Pants
3) Cancerous Eye in my Pants
4) She's got Standards in my Pants
5) The Church of Hot Addiction in my Pants
6) Just a Man without a Job in my Pants
7) Capital in my Pants
8) Tonight in my Pants
9) The Glow in my Pants
10) Inanction in my Pants
11) Southern Cross in my Pants
12) Anna Molly in my Pants
13) Mother Mary Blue in my Pants
14) Sheep in your Head in my Pants
15) Fever Pulse in my Pants
16) Lousy Reputation in my Pants
17) Let Go in my Pants
18) Head Stream in my Pants
19) I Get Around in my Pants
20) Dust in the Wind in my Pants

I havent felt this good in a while ...

2007-01-27T08:04:45Z

Boy ... its been a relatively shitty day im some respects

So ... about the prospect that I mentioned ... well, despite the egregious amounts of snow, I grew some balls and asked her out ... to which I got the response "maybe we should hang out with a group more first" ... ok, its not a no ... but its definitely not a yes. So ... due to my recently falling self-esteem, that answer kinda made me feel like crap. Yeah, a yes would have been desirable, but a no at least let me know where I stand. However, now im in this wierd "lets see where things go" limbo where the ball isnt even close to my court anymore. But whatever ...

I check my email during the day and I get a message from one of my profs which basically states that my independent study where I help teach the samurai history course might be rejected after about 1 year of planning and months of study ... not to mention the hours of work I put into preparing for class which includes re-reading all the material plus new material just so that I can provide insight. Heck, im pissed enough as is that they want to make it a history course and not an education one ... come on people, im learning freakin how to teach a college level course, not the history itself, I already know the freakin history!

Halfway through the day, I was walking up a flight of stairs and had a momentary lapse of thought where I just stopped and wondered whether or not it was worth it for me to just continue ... but luckily I pushed myself out of that thought before entering a further depressive state.

Then, I went to an "L word" marathon with AWOL, even though im not in the group. I was sitting there and everyone was watching and making comments ... and I felt so wierd at one point because I realized that I was the only straight guy in the room which totally made me feel unincluded, among other things ... so I decided to take a walk:

As I was walking, I thought about things ... I thought about Tyler but I realized that our relationship was somewhat hollow ... at least on my end ... because it was more the fact that we couldnt see each other while I was in japan that made it special ... I guess that distance freezes emotion, however it didnt freeze what was actually going on in life with her getting a boyfriend and all. Then I thought about the last couple of girls that I have been attracted to any why and why I am looking for a relationship at all and I couldnt really find a reason. For some reason my usually annoying and unfulfilled sexdrive is running low and I just dont see any real future with the curret situation. Then as my mind wandered, I started counting numbers in the fibonnoci sequence.

I love math ... it is the only thing I am sure of right now ... I was sitting in my God, Evo, and Cult. class when the idea arrises about the differences between science and religion. And my mind specifically thinks of math and I think "the real difference is that both are matters of faith, however only math has the ability to prove its own infallibility" which in my opinion makes it stronger in a way. So, I think I am going to start working again. Not just like homework, but beyond. Maybe I can finish the book of my one math class by the end of next month or so. Then I can start working above that.

I knew something was missing from my life since Japan ... I thought it was a relationship that I needed ... while it would be nice to have one, I think I was wrong. But now ... realizing the things I did, I feel a lot better